


We'll Figure This Out

by violently_knits



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Rock Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 16:12:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7394431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violently_knits/pseuds/violently_knits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell is in a rock band called Burn This City Down. When Phil Lester, the band's manager, is assigned a bunk on his tour bus, they start to get closer and closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written on my wattpad: funghoul_killjoy

*Phil POV*

The music industry can be absolutely brutal. People are tough, and the only way you can sway them is if you a have an amazing onstage persona. That's why I became a manager. I get to be behind the scenes making sure everything runs smoothly. I book gigs, hotels, rent buses when we tour on different continents, etc. It may sound like menial work, but I like it.

I love music. Ever since I was young I knew I wanted to be involved in it some way. I've tried playing numerous instruments, but I suck. Just completely awful. I can't sing very well either, so there weren't a lot of options for me being in a band itself. I've been working this job for 8 years. Right out of high school, I tried becoming a music producer first. I became friends with a producer at a small recording company right in London. Her name was Hazel. We were neighbors, and she was really talented. She told me about all the qualities a producer needed and how musically inclined most of them were. It didn't sound like my cup of tea after that.

Hazel have me the number of a band called Xcentric, who had been looking for a new manager. I got the job and worked with them for 5 months, but I wasn't really a fan of their music. It was too poppy sounding for me. It payed the bills but I really needed to love what I do. This wasn't it.

A few months later I got a job with a hard rock band called Burn This City Down, and have been with them ever since. The guys are great. There's Pj on bass, Chris on drums, Connor on rhythm guitar, and Dan, the singer and lead guitarist. On the outside, you'd think we're all jerks with our piercings and tattoos and dyed hair. But it's not like that at all. They're all super nice and we get along great.

To tell you the truth, I've had a crush on Dan for the longest time. He has beautiful, coffee colored eyes that you could get lost in. His hair looked really soft and I just wanted to tangle my fingers in it. He had two tattoo sleeves. There wasn't any theme to them, just a bunch of random things that meant something to him. He had his ears pierced, snake bites, and a septum piercing.

He was very attractive but what was the most important was his personality. He was kind and generous. Dan cared about you whether you were best friends or not. He'd make sure you were okay if you looked a bit down. He was very intelligent too. We weren't very close, I was more friends with the backstage crew, but I could tell that we would've been good friends if we'd had more chances to hang out. Maybe someday.

We were just about to leave for the United States leg of the tour. The guys were loading up the trailer with their instruments and equipment. The crew was filing into the bus when the driver stopped me. "Change of plans," he said. "You're on the first bus. This one's full."

"When was this decided? No one told me about this." I complained.

"Just now, dude. There was a miscount before when they told you to order the buses, but there's an open bunk on the band's bus. Maybe you'll make some new friends. You'll be okay, Phil. It's not like you'll be on there 24/7." The driver convinced me.

"Thanks, Jim. I'll make it work." I walked off the bus and pulled my suitcases to the other one. The guys were standing in front of it talking about something. Maybe it was about me. Oh, god. They're gonna be mad about this. They're gonna hate me. I can't do this. I can sleep on the floor of the second bus, I don't care. Shut up, Phil you're worrying too much. They're gonna like you. You'll be fine, just like Jim said.

I walk up to them and say hi. They kinda know me, I think. This might not be so bad. "Hey guys. Looks like I'm gonna be bunking with you instead." I smiled to make it look like I wasn't disappointed.

"Hey. We've never had a crew member on the bus with us, this should be fun. Maybe you can finally tell us how all this stuff works. We have no clue." Chris said.

"Well, yeah sure." I laughed.

"Here, let us take your bag in." Pj said. They were nice, maybe this will be fun. If we get along like this the rest of the tour, I'll have nothing to worry about.

Pj and Chris were the most outgoing of the group, definitely. Connor was too, but he took his time getting used to you once you met him. I didn't know much about Dan. I was always intimidated by him, mostly because I had a crush on him. They all told me they had planned on going out tonight as a celebration for the new leg of the tour, and wanted to invite me. We'd be arriving in Boston in a few hours since their first show was there tomorrow.

They had planned on going out to a bar and meet some of the local girls, but since I was there they'd like to get to know me. It was a nice gesture but I declined. I didn't want to ruin their fun. I'm not very good in social situations. I'm awkward and shy, not the most fun person to be around. But they were insisting I come along, so I decided why not?

*Dan's POV*

So there's a new guy on our bus. Not a problem. I'm sure it'll be fine. I don't like change, but maybe this one will be good.

When I was first asked to be in the band by Pj and Chris, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I needed a hobby so I wasn't sitting around in my apartment on the internet all the time. I had just learned to play the guitar because I was great at Guitar Hero. I thought the real thing would be just as easy. I was dead wrong. I was terrible at first. I got frustrated easily, and gave up when I couldn't get something perfect the first time.

My friends kept me going, and now I think I do pretty well. I didn't know I could sing either. Connor was originally the singer. To be honest, he wasn't very good, but no one wanted to say anything. About two weeks after we started, Connor got strep throat and couldn't sing at rehearsals. They asked me if i wanted to. I did as a joke, but they ended up really liking it. So they asked Connor if it was okay if I became the lead. He was actually grateful, and said he wasn't really into singing in the first place. We were kind of surprised, but happy that we finally figured things out.

Now we're on our first headlining tour, and couldn't be more happy. Then this attractive guy shows up on our bus and I couldn't be happier. We'll have to see how things go from here.


	2. A Good Time

*Dan's POV*

The bus finally stopped in Boston. We all got out to take in the new scenery, but it wasn't exactly what we expected. I'd never been to America, so I didn't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. There was traffic and smog and so many skyscrapers. I'd heard Boston was really cool, but I didn't expect it to look a lot like London, which I'd lived in for years, and I needed something new.

I killed two hours on the bus by unpacking my things and looking at Twitter on my phone. It finally got dark out, so I started getting ready for our "guys night out" tonight. There was no shower on the bus, so I had to learn to make do. My mom bought me all these emergency cleaning supplies when I told her what being on the road was like. I had baby wipes, dry hair shampoo, the works. I wanted to impress this Phil guy, so I had to look clean.

No one in the band knew I was gay. It hadn't really come up in conversation, and I didn't feel the need to tell them. I didn't think it was that important. I knew Chris was bisexual, and Connor was gay as well. I wasn't certain with Pj, but I assumed he was straight. I knew they'd be accepting and I had nothing to worry about, I just didn't feel like it.

Anyway, I sprayed my hair with dry hair shampoo and let it dry while I wiped myself down with the baby wipes. I brushed my hair out, straightened it, and put hair spray on it to make sure it stayed the way I liked it. I changed my clothes into something less casual and waited for everyone else to finish. I looked out the window at the pretty night lights until they came out and pulled me off the bus. I had no idea what kind of night I was in for.

*Phil POV*

I got up that morning in a brand new city. Okay, maybe it was the afternoon, but I'm pretty much nocturnal. I have to be with this kind of job, but I liked it. Dan was in the bathroom getting ready, so I figured I'd wait and check up on my social media. By the time I'd gone through mt Instagram and halfway through Twitter, Dan was finished. I thought I'd snatch up the opportunity before the rest of the guys would certainly take forever in there. We made awkward eye contact when I walked past him, but he quickly looked away and back to his bunk.

I got ready quickly and went back to my room. A half hour later, Connor dragged us to this bar he knew of, since he'd been there before. It was pretty cool. I didn't look at the name, but it seemed to be our style. It was a karaoke bar, something I quickly learned we all love. They all seemed so excited to get up there and be silly. I wasn't one for singing, but I enjoyed watching drunk people do karaoke. So this should be interesting.

The guys asked me a bunch of questions about myself, and every so often we did tequila shots. They burned my throat, and it felt like I swallowed gasoline. After awhile, it wasn't so bad anymore. "So, Phil, what's your favorite food?"

"Um, popcorn."

"What's your favorite TV show?"

"Either _Attack on Titan_ or _The Great British Bake-Off._ "

"Would you rather eat a cat or fuck a duck?"

"Eat a cat... wait no!" They all laughed. We had a great time talking and getting hammered. After some time, Chris drunkenly decided we do some karaoke. He went first, singing some song I'd never heard of. It was terrible. No wonder he's not their singer. Then Pj went, singing another song I haven't heard of. They tried to get Dan to go up, but he wouldn't budge. I didn't blame him.

We went back to the buses an hour later. It was still pretty early, though. Pj, Chris, and Connor stumbled to their bunks and quickly fell asleep. I'm surprised they would still walk after seeing how much they drank. I think they drank the all the alcohol in the entire place. Dan and I didn't have that much to drink, so we thought we should stay up and talk. If we're going to live together the next few months, why not become friends?

"So... what's it like being in a band?" I ask awkwardly.

"It's cool. It can be hard sometimes, but it's really fun. Why did you decide to become a tech guy instead of in a band?"

"I've tried, I'm just not very good at anything musically, but I still wanted to be involved with music somehow. I just love the feeling I get when I can pull everything together and you guys have a great show. It's my favorite part of the job." I tend to ramble a lot when I'm nervous.

"Very well put." Dan said. "How did you get put on this bus anyway?"

"They said the other one was full and that this one had an open bunk. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious."

"Oh, okay." I say awkwardly. "Do you maybe wanna go do something fun? The guys are super drunk already and it's not even that late." I suggest.

"Yeah, sure. What did you have in mind?" Dan asks.

"I know of a place where you can go rock-climbing. It's open 'til 11." Maybe I shouldn't have suggested that. It sounds like something best friends would do together, and I've only just gotten to know Dan today. I hope he doesn't think I'm being too forward. Maybe he thinks I like him. I'm trying to hide it as best as I can, but it is possible that he's seeing right through me. Oh god, he definitely hates me. Calm down, Phil. Everything's going to be okay. I need a Xanax. Shit, I ran out yesterday. Travelling gives me tons of nerves. Hoping we get to the venue in time for sound check or to make sure we're not late and miss the whole show can be so nerve wracking when you're a manager. Now, with Dan on top of everything else, my nerves are through the roof.

"Yeah, totally. That sounds like fun. Let's go!" He exclaims excitedly.

We walk a few blocks from the bus to the rock-climbing place. It's pretty dark out, but the street lights illuminate our path so we can see. The lights are very dim, but there are enough of them. Dan stiffens when one of the lights next to us goes out. "Are you okay, Dan?" I ask cautiously.

"I'm fine. I'm just... kind of afraid of the dark. Please don't laugh at me." He say worriedly.

"I'm not gonna laugh at you. I'm not too fond of the dark either." We walk a little further and finally arrive at our destination. Inside is very brightly lit. I see a few people climbing up the steep slope, hooked up to the wall by a harness and a bunch of cables. The fake rocks sticking out of the wall are all different colors. The people inside look like they've been doing this forever and are almost professional-like. I hope they don't laugh at how horrible we are. But maybe we'll think it's funny, too.


	3. Rock Climbing

*Dan POV*

Why did I agree to this? I hate going out. I really like Phil, but this it a bit too much. I barely know him, now we're going out and doing stuff together? Maybe it's time I go out of my comfort zone a little. I'm not one for going out much. I usually stay on the bus by myself on my laptop while the guys go out. I like working. I know it's not really a usual thing to actually like your job, but I'm not a usual person. I really like responding to the fans on social media, writing new songs, working on my secret solo project, etc.

"Hey guys, welcome!" a guy behind the counter says. "Just the two of you?"

"Uh, yeah." I answer. He leads us over by the wall and hands each of us harnesses. We strap ourselves in while he does whatever they do to prepare you to climb. He hook us up to our own ropes and we start climbing.

I look down at Phil. He hasn't gotten very far off the ground yet. "Are you okay, Phil?" He looks like he's gonna puke.

"Yeah, totally fine. I'll be up in a second." He moves his hand to a rock and it slips. He lets out a cute little squeal and immediately grasps at the wall hoping to lock onto something. "I'm good." he calls up to me.

I climb up to the top and stay up there for a bit, looking down at the ground about 30 feet away. Phil is still only two feet off the floor. I figure I should go talk to him and see what's up so I let go off the wall. Grabbing the rope wrapped around me, I slowly drift to the floor. "What's wrong, Phil? Are you afraid of heights?" I ask curiously.

"Um... yes, yes I am. Don't laugh okay?" He pleads.

"I promise I won't. Do you wanna try climbing or would you just rather go back to the bus and hang out some more?" He thinks for a moment then decided he'd try again.

Phil grabs onto a rock and pulls himself up, grabbing onto another one with his other hand. He finds a higher place to step and lifts himself up again. He keeps going for about 15 more feet. "Keep going! You can do it!" I encourage him. He gives me a thumbs up and quickly starts climbing again. He only has a few more feet to the top, but his palms start to sweat and he looses his footing. He falls off the wall and screams as if he's falling off a real mountain. He lands safely on the floor.

"Well, that was anticlimactic." We burst into laughter.

We finally decide to leave just before they close, paying the guy at the counter. Phil and I walk out into the crisp night air, taking a breath of the somewhat fresh air. It's the middle of the city, so it isn't exactly that fresh, but I'll take what I can get. The sky turns a dark onyx as the buildings start to turn their lights out and you can see the stars a little better. The street lamps are still on, but they're faint compared to the brightly shining moon. I look over at Phil. His dark, raven hair blows over his forehead as a gust of wind rushes past us. His icy blue eyes glisten in the glow of the street lights. His pale skin... what am I thinking? I'm straight. I've had girlfriends and slept with plenty of girls on tour. And I don't think he'd like me very much anyway.

We walk back to the bus in comfortable silence. I see the bus just ahead and walk a little faster to the door, making sure I get there before Phil does. He gives me a weird look but catches up to me. I pull open the bus doors for him and gesture inside. "M'lady." I say to him. smiling.

"Shut up. I'm a manly man. Look at these muscles." He flexes his skinny arms, but I don't see a significant difference from how they looked before.

"Okay, Thor. Get in." I walk up the steps behind him, accidentally catching a glimpse of his cute butt. Dammit. You'll never take me, gay thoughts. We sit at the booth in the back, deciding what we should do next.

*Phil POV*

Dan and I sit across from each other at the table. I look at him, waiting to see if he's going to say anything. "I've really enjoyed out time together tonight. I've had a slight crush on you forever, but now I think I'm definitely fallen completely in love with you. Please go out with me." is what I want to tell him, but I know I never will. I know he's straight (I think), and even if he wasn't, he'd never go for a guy like me; I'm undateable. None of my relationships have ever lasted more than a few months, with guys or girls. I've dated more girls than guys because I didn't realize I was gay until after high school, but it's not like that really mattered. Every relationship is basically the same no matter who you're with.

"So, did you have fun tonight?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I haven't had a night out I've actually enjoyed like this in almost forever. What did you think of the rock climbing?"

"It wasn't too bad once I finally got over it." He laughs. "Do you think they're still asleep?"

"Who? Oh, right." Dan totally forgot about the other guys. "I haven't even thought of them all night. I was bust thinking about other stuff." I think out loud.

"Like what?" Phil asks.

"Oh, nothing. I'm tired, I think I'm gonna go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He gets up from the table and pats me on the shoulder. "Goodnight, Phil." He yawns.

"Goodnight, Dan." I say back. I stay at the table thinking about stuff and trying to figure things out in my head (I'll spare you the details), and fall asleep at the table.


	4. Anxiety

*Phil POV*

I wake up in the middle of the night to a stiff neck and a puddle of drool. I must've fallen asleep thinking. I check my phone, and it says it's almost 4:30. I figure I only have a few hours left until I have to get up for the day, so I don't bother getting ready for bed. I drag myself, still fully clothed, to my bunk at the end of the bus and plop myself down on it, lazily pulling the covers over myself, and kick off my shoes. I fall back asleep almost instantly.

My alarm goes off at 8:00 sharp. My head kinda hurts from drinking last night, but definitely not as much as the others' heads must feel. They got pretty drunk, so it most likely id going to be really hard getting them out of bed for sound check. Dan wakes up to my alarm as well, but he seems fine. The others don't even stir a little bit.

I give them an hour's extra sleep so I can get a chance to shower since I didn't yesterday. Dan gets in after me. I give him some privacy and decide to do my hair out in the "living room". It isn't really a room, more like a space where there isn't a kitchen or any bunks. I plug in my straightener and wait for it to heat up while I put on some deodorant. I towel dry my hair and get to work. Dan gets out of the bathroom just as I'm finishing and turns to me. "We should prank them."

"How?" I ask, confused.

"We could wake them up loudly, put their hands in warm water and watch them pee themselves, or put shaving cream in their hands and tickle their noses." Dan suggests.

"How about all three?" I smirk slyly.

"Phil Lester, you little devil." He giggles.

I grab my shaving cream from the bathroom while Dan fills three cups of warm water from the sink. We quietly make our way to the back of the bus and begin the pranking. This is probably gonna end up in a prank war, but it's totally gonna be worth it. Dan places a cup of water next to each band members' bed and carefully puts each of their hands in them. I take the shaving cream and put it in their other hand. I don't know how we're going to tickle their noses, so I look at Dan to see if he has any ideas. I can tell he's thinking for a moment, then his face lights up and he laughs a little. he leans over Connor and ever so gently brushes his fringe over Connor's face. He does this to Chris and Pj as well. Then, as if a dam broke loose in each of their beds, they all start to pee themselves from the warm water. Miraculously, they still haven't woken up yet, but the whole room smells like gross pee. Dan looks at me and mouths, cover your ears. He starts clapping really loudly and yells WAKE UP several times.

The looks on each of their faces when they realize what's going on is priceless.

Chris wakes up first. He covers his ears with his hands, getting more shaving cream on his face. He looks at his hands, and then looks down at a dark spot on the bed where pee soaked through the sheets. "What?" He simply says. "What? What the-"

Pj wakes up after him. He's more nonchalant about the whole thing. He opens his eyes and his face just looks so done. I wiggles around in bed, looks at his hand, and rolls back over going to sleep. Totally different than what I thought he's do, but okay.

Connor wakes up the last. He's the heaviest sleeper I've ever seen. About a minute after Dan started clapping and yelling, Connor sits bolt upright, stares at Dan giving him a death glare, and jumps out of bed to attack him. He stands up and quickly stops. "Hey!" He yells, clearly annoyed. He walks into the bathroom and locks the door.

*Dan POV*

Phil tells the guys they have to be ready in two hours for sound check. We leave to go to the venue early and check the place out. I go around the back of the bus to the trailer where we keep our instruments and grab my guitar so I can practice by myself. I wanna make sue that our first show goes as smoothly and as perfectly as possible.

We walk to the venue and arrive about ten minutes later. We get inside and a lady directs us to the band's dressing room. I take out my guitar and a pick and sit down. Phil sits across from me, waiting for me to do something. I check to make sure that all the strings are in tune to the song I want to play for Phil. Not romantically, of course, I'm not just going to serenade him. I'm just practicing for the show.

I start strumming randomly before I decide to play Unnatural Selection by Muse. I can feel Phil staring at me, and I feel nervous for some reason. I can play in front of thousands of people, so why am I so nervous to play in front of this one person? I get through half of the song, but I can't focus anymore. I move onto one of our songs and finish it somewhat okay. Hopefully I'll do better when I'm on stage.

"How'd you like it?" I ask anxiously.

"That was great! You're gonna do great tonight. I'm gonna go check on something, I'll see you later." He leaves the room and I let out a huge breath. Get yourself together, Dan, I tell myself. I suddenly find it hard to breathe. My heart is beating a mile a minute. My palms start sweating, and now I'm hyperventilating. I don't know what's happened to me. I was fine a few seconds ago, now I'm having a full-on anxiety attack. I sit down on the floor and pull my knees to my chest. I put my head down and rock back and forth until I start to feel okay again.

I calm down after about ten minutes. I walk out of the room, trying to make it look like I'm totally fine, and people seem to buy it because they came up to me and started asking questions about our set tonight. I try to answer as simply as I could. A little while later, the rest of the band shows up for sound check. They all tune their instruments. When we're all ready and everything is all set up, I clear my throat and start our first song. We get through two more and decide that that's enough practice for today.

All of us go back to our dressing room to hang out. The show starts in 45 minutes. I'm fine, for now. I don't feel panicky anymore, just a little nervous for our first show in a while. A few minutes before the show starts, Phil comes to get us to go on stage.

"Hey, are you okay? You look a little pale." He looks at me with concern in his eyes.

"Yeah, just a little nervous." I manage to say.

"Don't be. You're gonna be fine." He smiles at me and pats my shoulder. I go to the side of the stage, throw my guitar around my neck, and do a quick vocal warm up. I hear the announcer yelling to the crowd.

"And here they are, BURN THIS CITY DOWN!" We run out on stage and I stare at the crowd. I see Phil standing in the back watching us. My knees go weak and my throat goes dry. I can't hear anything. I feel completely numb. Connor walks over to me, I don't even notice. He puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me to him. He says something but I don't register it the first time. I think he asks if I'm okay. I simply nod.


	5. Mixed Feelings

*Dan POV*

We start playing our first song and it turn out great. I still feel kinda numb, but I slowly started getting more control over myself. Phil leaves to go back stage and do something, and that's when I can finally breathe again. I don't know what I'm doing, but the crowd seems to love whatever it is, so I must be doing something right.

The show ends after 6 or 7 songs. We all walk off stage to the sound of our cheering fans. Some of them sneak back stage, as per usual, but we don't really mind unless they're super crazy. We love meeting our fans, and most of them are really nice. I take a few pictures with them and sign some autographs before I'm completely alone in the dressing room. The other guys said they were gonna go out for a drink and asked if I wanted to come with them. I declined, telling them I had some work to do. In actuality, I need to think some things over.

The last 24 hours have completely changed my life, and I don't know if it's for better or for worse. Hanging out with Phil has been really great. He's a nice guy, he's funny, independent, cute, attractive... See what I mean? I really need to figure some stuff out on my own. I can't talk to my friends because they'd definitely tell Phil. I can't tell Phil because he'll think I'm weird or he'll hate me or something.

What am I? After the last day or so, I'm definitely not. I've had a few girlfriends all throughout high school, and then a lot of one night stands when the band started touring. But did I actually like those girls, or did I just think I did because that was what I thought was normal? Do I have the same feelings for Phil as I thought I did with those girls?

I feel like I'm dying inside. I decide to get ready for bed since the bus is empty for once. maybe I'll be able to think straight tomorrow and hopefully come to a conclusion soon. I take off my sweaty shoes, placing them next to my bed. I brush my teeth, comb my hair, and wash my face. I get out of the cramped bathroom and look in my suitcase for some pj's. Since no one else is on the bus, I figure I can just put them on here, without having to try and get around the tight space of our bathroom.

I strip down to my underwear and start putting on pj pants when I hear the door open. I freeze. "Dan? Oh, god! I'm so sorry!" I hear Phil yell. I don't even understand what just happened, that's how overtired and overworked I am right now. I keep standing there, and eventually brush it off, putting on the rest of my outfit.

Phil walks back up the steps of the bus about ten minutes later. He apologizes, but I just brush him off, not even knowing what had happened just moments before. "Are you okay, Dan? You look really... distressed. Is there something you need to talk about?" He looks concerned.

I smile. "Nope. I'm fine, just tires is all."

"Oh, okay. I'm gonna go out with the crew. Call me if you need anything." He starts to walk away.

"Will do." I say, saluting him. Why did I do that? Literally, my life.

I get into my bunk and lay on top of the blankets, just staring at the ceiling, waiting for answers to come to me. Nothing happens. Nothing will happen. I take out my phone and scroll through Tumblr, eventually falling asleep.

*Phil POV*

Dan's been acting a little weird lately. I don't know what's up with him. Hopefully he doesn't hate me.

I went back outside after I accidentally walked in on Dan changing. That was really awkward. I went to the other bus to hang out with the crew before we left for New York City. It was gonna be a long ride, but hopefully we'll have something to do on the way there. After about an hour, I went back to my bus because we were leaving. I got in the bus and Dan was laying in bed. No one else was on the bus except us and the driver.

I walked back toward the bunks to check if Dan was sleeping. "Dan? Are you awake?" I whisper. I can't see if his eyes are open, it's too dark in here.

"No, but I'm trying to." He whispers back.

"Oh, sorry. I'll be quiet." I apologize.

"No, it's okay." He says. "I couldn't fall asleep anyway. My brain is being too loud." He admits.

"Oh. Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything? You know I won't judge you or anything."

"I know. Maybe I'll talk to you later, I just need to sort it out myself first."

"Okay. well, I hope you figure it out soon. I hate seeing you like this."

"Ha, trust me, I've been worse." He laughs a little.

"Oh. I'm gonna go to bed now. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Dan."

"Goodnight, Phil. Sleep tight."

I get my pjs on and climb into my bunk. I hear the rest of the band climb up the steps of the bus and go to be themselves. I can't sleep either. Now I'm too worried about Dan. I wonder what he's thinking about.

I had a crazy thought. What if he liked me like I like him? It sounds far-fetched, but it is a possibility. I have been thinking about him a lot actually. I think I'm starting to fall in love with him. I know I haven't known him that long, but he's just that kind of person that's easy to fall in love with. Or maybe I just fall in love too easily.

I don't know when or if I should tell him. What would he say if I did tell him? Is he even gay? Or bi? And if he is, does he even like me? I need to stop overthinking again. Everything will work out in the end. At least I hope so.

I take forever to fall asleep because my brain wouldn't shut up. And when I do fall asleep, I have a weird dream.

Dan and I are at an amusement park. We decide to go on the Ferris wheel when it gets dark so we can see all the pretty lights from up high. We get on and are slowly rotated up to the top while everyone else gets on. The wheel starts to fully turn when it's full. I feel something touch my hand, and look down to see that it's Dan's hand. I take his in mine and smile at him. We stop at the top of the Ferris wheel and hear an announcement, "Sorry everyone, but we're having some technical difficulties. We'll fix this as soon as we can."

"Great, now we're stuck up here." I complain.

"I mean, it's not all that bad. I have you to keep me company." He smiles.

"You're cute." I say to him.

Dan puts his hand on my cheek and pulls me closer to him, bringing our lips together. It's the first time we've ever kissed, and it's magical. There are fireworks. Literally, there's a fireworks show going on towards the front of the park.

I wake up sweating. Dan leans down from his bunk above me. "Phil, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry I woke you."

"You didn't wake me, I never fell asleep."

"Aren't you tired? What time is it?" I ask, whispering so we don't wake up everyone else.

"It's almost 3. Hey, remember I wanted to talk to you later?" I asks me.

"Yeah?" I ask confusedly.

"Can I talk to you now?" He sounds nervous.

"Uh, yeah sure. Let's go out into the living room." We go sit at the table. Dan folds his hands together and then pulls them apart and places them on the table.

"Please don't hate me."


	6. A Surprise Around Every Corner

*Dan POV*

"Please don't hate me." I start off with. Why, out of all the sentences I could've said, did I start with that one.

I move so I can sit net to Phil. He puts his hand on my thigh. "I would never hate you, Dan. Why would you think that?"

"Because of what I'm about to tell you." I'm cringing on the inside. I feel like I'm going to puke or pass out. " So there's this thing I've been thinking about for a long time now. I've known about this for a while now, but I haven't really come to terms with it until recently. I haven't told anyone because i'm not that close with my parents and I don't know how my friends would react to... this. So you're the first person I've ever told. And that is... I'm gay."

"Okay. I don't hate you. It's okay." I hug him, but he pulls away quickly.

"Yeah, but there's more to it, than just that. There's this person I really like, but they're so close to me, and I just don't know how they would feel about this."

"Okay... um, I don't know what to say until you tell me who it is that you like."

I hesitate. I don't know if I can tell Phil. I hate that I feel awful about this, but I won't know if I'm feeling the right way until he says something back. Here it goes. "You." He doesn't say anything. He just looks at me for a few seconds. He blinks like he doesn't know what to say. My heart is beating so hard I'm afraid he can hear it. My stomach feels like it's going to implode.

"Phil? What are you thinking? Please say something."

He puts his hand on the back of my head and pulls his lips to mine. His kiss is hard and rough and needy, but it's perfect. It's all I've wanted forever. I feel fireworks and butterflies. Kissing someone you really love is the best feeling in the world. Right now I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I think at this point I can confirm that Phil feels the same way.

Hands find their way to hair. Clothes are rustled. Breathing is rapid and arduous. Eventually we break apart to catch our breaths and take in what just happened. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. I love you Dan. I have ever since I laid eyes on you."

"You know, I wasn't really sure of my sexuality until recently, but now I know I'm super gay." We laugh and kiss again. "What are we gonna do about this?" I ask Phil.

"I have an idea. Will you be my boyfriend?" Phil asks me.

"Of course! I love you too. I'm so glad you woke up from whatever dream you were having. What was it about anyway?"

"Oh, I don't even remember." Phil giggles knowingly. Something's definitely up, but I don't care right now. I have more things to worry about.

"When are we gonna tell everyone else? Do we have to tell them?" I ask. I'm worried about what the others are gonna say about this. What if they're homophobic? What if they start to look at me differently?

"We don't have to say anything until you're ready. Okay?" He reassures me.

"Okay. Thank you." He puts his arm around me and I sink down in my seat so I can lay my head on his chest. We're so tired we fall asleep that way.

*Phil POV*

I couldn't be happier than when I'm cuddled up with Dan. I've been waiting for him to love me back for what feels like forever. He makes me feel like the most important person in the whole world. At least I think he will. I don't exactly know yet, since we've only been together for half an hour. Regardless, I'm happy.

We wake up in the morning, realizing what had happened last night. Then we realize we'd been cuddling all night and hope no one's seen us, as we're still gonna keep this a secret until Dan is more comfortable. Thankfully, everyone's still sleeping. We're still on the road, too. I see a sign saying New York City is 40 miles away. Dan is still sleeping, but he's leaning right on me, so I can't move, bu I really have to pee. It's an emergency, like if I don't pee right now, I'm gonna pee my pants. I try to figure out a way I can get Dam off me without waking him up, but I can't see any way that's gonna happen.

I try slithering down the seat onto the floor, but Dan's body follows me. If I keep going, he's going to end up on the floor with me. I think that maybe if I move fast enough, I can get away and Dan won't go anywhere. That's a bad idea though. I'm gonna have to just go for it. I weasel my hands between Dan's body and mine and lift him up a little so I can slide closer to the wall. I gently place Dan's head on the table, hoping that this isn't going to wake him up. Then I slide own in the seat onto the floor, crawl out from under the table, and beeline for the bathroom.

After I'm done, I check to see if Dan woke up from all of this, but thankfully he hasn't yet. Wow, he's a heavy sleeper. I go back to my bed and get my phone. Getting under the warm covers, I scroll through Twitter and Instagram, seeing what's going on with the world this early in the morning. Nothing really yet. It's only 7:30, so I'm hoping something interesting will happen so I'm not bored the whole time we're in the city.

We're staying here for two weeks so we can have a couple different shows and also see the sights. The band and crew decided we would stay in a hotel the next two weeks so we wouldn't have to sleep on the uncomfortable bus the whole time. It'll be nice to finally sleep in a real bed.

I get hungry around eight, so I quietly sneak out into the "kitchen" to make a bowl of cereal and maybe watch the traffic go by as I eat it. I grab a box of Frosted Mini Wheats, which is the closest thing I could find to Shreddies. I pull the milk out of the mini fridge and check the date to make sure it hasn't gone bad yet. I go to put back the cereal box in the overhead cupboard, but being Phil, I drop it. It hits the ground with a loud thud. I look back to Dan to see that he hasn't woken up. Nothing. He hasn't even stirred.

I grab my bowl off the counter and accidentally drop it on the counter. It makes an even louder noise and shatters into pieces, some of them hitting my hand and cutting it. Only I would do this. Today is not one of my better days so far. I try being quiet but the glass really hurts my hand. I swear under my breath, something I would never do but the circumstance permits. This finally wakes Dan up.

"Phil, what are you doing? Are you okay?" He asks, his voice raspy from sleep.

"Yeah," I manage to get out. "I'm fine."

"What happened?" He gets up from the table to come see if I'm okay.

"Don't step on the glass. It'll cut your foot like it cut my hand." I kick away some of the larger pieces carefully with my foot. Dan takes my hand to see if there's any glass stuck in it.

"I think you'll be okay. You won't need stitches, just some band aids. Let me go get them." He leaves to go into the bathroom. He comes back a minute later with the box. "This is all I could find. I don't know who bought them, but you'll have to deal with them until we can buy regular ones." They're Hello Kitty band aids.

"You know what? I don't care. I'll deal with Hello Kitty for a little while. They're kinda cute actually." I smile.

Dan kisses my hand. "All better." He smiles, and I smile back at him.


	7. In Hiding

*Phil POV*

Dan and I decided to wake everyone else up around 9:30 so we could get our things together and pack our bags since we were staying in a hotel. It took awhile to get them up and going, but after they finally got up, it didn't take long. We brought our bags off the bus and did a head check to make sure we didn't leave anyone in Boston. Thank God we didn't.

All of us carried our luggage inside and checked into the hotel, which actually took a lot longer than I thought it would. You'd think that since we had a reservation it wouldn't take that long. We reserved a bunch of double rooms so we didn't have to uncomfortably share a bed with anyone. That would just be awkward. We went our separate ways, Dan and I going to our room, and everyone else to theirs'. it took a few minutes to find the room. The hotel was so big and all our rooms were spread apart instead of all on the same floor.

Once we did find the room, we did not expect to see what we found when we opened the door. There was only one bed. It was covered in rose petals, and there was an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne on the night stand. I think they messed up. This is not what we ordered.

"What do we do?" Dan asked, just as confused as I was.

"I... don't know." I responded. It wasn't the worst thing, but it was very awkward seeing as Dan and only have been together since this morning. Maybe the hotel just shipped us too much. Probably not.

"Well, it's not the worst thing in the world. We get free alcohol. And it won't be so bad sharing a bed, would it?" Dan reasoned.

"No. I think it's kinda nice, actually. Why don;t we try the champagne? I need some alcohol after everything's that's gone down the past few days." I laughed to cover up how stressed I was. Dan seemed to be convinced, so that was good. I've been so worried what Dan would say about me liking him, but thankfully it all worked out and I was worried for nothing.

We poured our glasses of champagne and did a cheers. It must have been expensive. It was the best champagne I've ever drank. We turned on the TV to see if there was anything good on, but as usual, nothing. I thought American TV would be more entertaining than British TV, since all we have is a thousand BBC channels, but it really wasn't that different. We settled on some cooking show where they were competing to make the best cupcakes. Cupcake Wars I think it was called? We finished the bottle of champagne and ordered another, getting slightly more drunk with each episode we watched. We got through three I think, I couldn't really pay attention after the first two because I kept thinking about too much. I really needed to get over this and just be happy with myself, but my brain will never let me do that.

*Dan POV*

Phil and I got slightly drunk, which was bad because we have a show tomorrow, and I really don't want to play rock music with a hangover. I've done it before and it was one of the worst nights I've ever had. We switched to some cop drama show after a few Cupcake Wars episodes. We were getting too hungry and couldn't take the temptation anymore.

About an hour later, we gave in to our stomachs and went out to go get some lunch. I googled if there were any good restaurants around and decided on an Italian place. My favorite. We ordered so much food. I had a huge plate of spaghetti. And when I say huge, I mean like a portion size for a giant. Phil ordered pizza, thinking they'd bring him a slice or two, but no. They brought him an entire large pie all for himself. Luckily, we won't have to go for lunch tomorrow. Or the next day.

I felt like I was going to explode when I finally thought I should stop eating before I burst through the buttons on my jeans. Phil got a box to put the pizza in, and then we came to some important questions: Was this a date? Who pays? Do we split the bill, or should one of us be the gentleman and pay for the other? I got the check, being the gentleman that I am. I'm totally kidding. Phil looked like he'd been stressed the past few days and needed a break.

We left the restaurant, leftovers in hand, and strolled back tot he hotel a few blocks away. I looked down and saw Phil's hand swaying as he walked next to me. I thought about taking it, but I don't know if we're ready for that yet. Should I wait a little while before we do that? Would that give us away before I was ready to come out? I just went for it. I laced my fingers through his. he looked down at our hands and looked back up at me. I was nervous. My heart was racing in my chest and I could feel it migrate down to my stomach. What was he going to say? Was this moving too fast? He smirked and went back to looking where he was walking.

I let go of his hand as we got to the hotel lobby, just in case anyone saw us. I knew he'd understand. Luckily no one was really there except for a few fans. They looked really surprised to see me, so I don't think they were stalking us. At least I hope not. I took a few pictures with them and Phil and I went back to our room. It was almost 2, so we still had a lot of time to kill.

"I'm bored. What do you wanna do?" I asked Phil. I flopped down on our bed and looked up at the ceiling, waiting for him to answer.

" I don't know. I've never been here before. We could go exploring and inevitably get lost. We could sneak into a club and pretend we're cool." He flopped down next to me. "We could... I'm out of ideas."

"Well, it's getting kind of warmer out. Maybe we could take a walk in the park?" I suggested.

"Sure. That sounds nice. Let's wait a bit, though. I still feel really full from lunch." Phil put his hand over his stomach. "I feel like I'm pregnant with a food baby."

I laughed. "Okay, we can leave in about an hour. I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up when you're ready to go." I kicked my shoes off and started to get under the covers.

"Okay. I'm gonna go hang out with my friends and give you some alone time. Sleep tight." Phil left and I fell asleep almost immediately.


	8. Abnormal Thoughts

*Dan POV*

I woke up to see Phil sitting at the foot of the bed staring his phone, presumably. "Phil? What time is it?" I asked him, fixing my hair and getting out of bed.

"It's... almost 5:20." he said nonchalantly.

"What? Why didn't you wake me up? I thought we were going to go to the park like two hours ago. You should've gotten me up." I complained. I was really looking forward to walking in the park with my new boyfriend. I thought it would be cute.

"You see, I was going to wake you up, but when I got back to the room, you just looked so peaceful and cute and I didn't want to wake you up. It felt like waking up a sleeping angel, so I opted out of it." He replied.

"You're so charming, Phil." I beamed.

"I'm really not..." He shied away from me, but sneak attacked me. He jumped up from the end pf the bed and rugby tackled me. I shrieked, not registering what was going on until it was too late to defend myself.

"Phil! What are you doing?" I giggled. "You can't just attack people without giving them any kind of warning! It's unethical!" I argued.

"But that's why it's called a sneak attack... cuz it's sneaky. I'm like a ninja." he did some sort of weird karate chop and made a noise a ninja might make. He definitely didn't resemble any ninjas, but it was cute that he tried. he eventually rolled off of me and went back to his phone. I looked through my bags for my laptop and charger and turned it on. I scrolled through Tumblr for a few minutes, then Phil came and laid next to me, resting his head on my shoulder. I felt special, that he would choose my bony shoulder over a nice, comfy pillow.

We stayed like that for a while, until I heard Phil ominously giggling to himself. "What are you laughing at over there?" I asked him.

"Ah, nothing." He tried calming down, but just couldn't. "Okay, someone on Twitter found out that if you google 'tall lesbian' a picture of you comes up. I swear to god it does." I started laughing again.

"What? No it doesn't. I'll prove it doesn't." I opened another tab and typed in 'tall lesbian' to the search bar. I clicked on images, and surely enough, I did. The very first picture to come up was one of me. "Why? I'm not a lesbian! Do I look like a lesbian to you?" I asked Phil. I was slightly offended, but it was too funny to be that mad at it. Phil couldn't respond, he was dying of laughter over there. I pushed his shoulder and he fell over, not bothering to get up, and just trying to contain himself.

Sooner or later, he calmed down and we went back to normal. I scrolled through Tumblr forever, making it seem almost endless. I started thinking about other things and it turned into a full on existential crisis. I stopped scrolling and stared into space, thinking about the inevitability of death and how life is really meaningless because nothing almost anyone will ever do will mean anything because we're all gonna be worm food one day anyway. You know, the usual.

Phil noticed I was preoccupied and asked if I was okay. I explained what I was thinking about, and I think I really brought down his mood. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you. It's a lot to take in for someone who doesn't usually think about these kinds of things on a regular basis. I've gotten used to it, but it still gets to me sometimes."

"No, I'll be okay. Do you really think about all this all the time?" He sounded really worried now. I screwed up. I shouldn't have told him. Now Phil's going to worry about me, and he already has enough to worry about.

"Um, yeah. But it's cool. I'm fine." I lie. Really, I'm not okay. These thoughts have consumed me over the last year or so. It's all I can think about lately, besides my sexual orientation. Lately I've realized how these thoughts have affected my song writing process. I think the guys have started to notice it too. They seem kind of different towards me lately, and I think it's because they're worried about me. I hadn't realized any of this until just now. And now that I think about it, my whole life has turned dark, all because my brain just wants to fuck up my day.

*Phil POV*

I'm worried about Dan now. What if he's been depressed all this time and hasn't realized it or talked about it to anyone but me? I mean, it's okay that he's finally told someone, and I'm glad it's me, but it seems like he's never really come to terms with it. To me, it sounds like he's just discovered that these aren't really normal thoughts and that they're affecting him more than he realizes.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" I ask cautiously. I don't want to make him feel different or upset, but I still want to be a good boyfriend and make sure he's okay.

"No, I think I'm just gonna mull it over a little while. Maybe later when I've figured stuff out." He said quietly.

"Okay. Let me know when you're ready. I'm always here, you know." I reassure him.

"I know." Dan went back to his Tumblr and I went back to my phone. I couldn't help but look over to him periodically. I don;t think he realized I was looking at him, but his face seemed different now. His eyes were somber and glassy like he was holding in tears. He was quiet and looked heartbroken. An I couldn't help but think I did this to him. Now I feel terrible. I don't know what to do about this. I don't know how to go about approaching the subject. I don't even know if he'll be willing to talk about it.

It gets later in the night when we come to the agreement to order room service. Dan finds a movie to watch on pay-per-view while I call in our order. I get a huge stack of waffles, or course, and Dan gets a burger and fries. It takes half an hour for the food to get here, and luckily our movie has barely gotten the plot started by the time we have to pause it to answer the door. We dig in while we watch the new Avengers movie.

About half way through the movie we hear a knock on the door. I pause the movie again and get up to answer it. I start to open the door when it flies open and Connor, Pj and Chris storm in our room. "Guys, you should totally go out with us tonight!" Chris yells excitedly.

"Where are we going?" Dan asks skeptically.

"A bar or a club or somewhere fun. We don't really know yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" Pj answers.

"Yeah you guys should definitely... why is there only one bed?" Connor interrupts himself.

"The lady at the desk messed up our room order but we didn't feel like going all the way down there to change it and drag all of our heavy luggage to a new room. We figured we could make it work." Dan improvised. He lied, somewhat, but it kinda scared me how smooth he was. He didn't sound nervous or hesitant like I would if I tried to lie to anyone.

"Oh, okay." They sounded convinced. I wasn't going to say anything to ruin the good lie Dan had just so carefully fabricated. "So are you guys coming or not?" Chris asked.

"Um..." I looked at Dan. I could tell by his eyes that he really wasn't up for going out tonight. "Thanks, but I think we'd rather relax and take a break tonight. Maybe tomorrow?" I answer.

"Yeah, okay. Sounds like a plan. You guys get back to your movie. We'll see you tomorrow morning then?" Connor asked. He was so nice and considerate.

"Definitely." Dan answered him. They said goodnight and left the room. I heard Dan let out a big breath. "I thought they would never leave. I was worried they were going to ask more questions about our living situation. Thank god they didn't."

"Yeah, me too. You seemed to have made up a really good lie, though. And you delivered it so smoothly. How did you do that?" I questioned.

"Oh, I do it all the time. I've been having to lie constantly the past few months about heterosexual stuff, because I wasn't sure until recently. I've gotten pretty good at it, actually." He said casually.

"Yeah, I can see that." I laughed. "When are you going to tell them? I'm not rushing you, but I think it would be relieving to you if you told them already instead of lying. Don't you think?"

"Yeah." He weighed his options for a second. "I think it would be good for me to tell them. I'm not really worried what they'd say anymore because they're my best friends and I know they'll accept me, but I need to have a serious moment. There's never a serious moment when I'm with them. Clearly you can see that. It's just such a big thing to reveal to them, and I need the moment to be right. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do." I think about what he said. Dan;s absolutely right. I should stop bringing it up. He knows what he's doing, and he'll know when the moment is right.

"I'm tired, let's go to bed now." Dan and I get under the covers and situate ourselves so we're comfortable.

"Goodnight." We say to each other. Dan rolls over so his back is facing me. I put my arm around his waist and he scoots closer to me. I hear Dan start snoring a few minutes later.


	9. Disaster Strikes

*Phil POV*

I get woken up to the sound of sirens. I look around to make sure everything is okay and that the sirens aren't because of me or Dan. Nope, we're all good. Dan is still asleep next to me. The sun shines in through the transparent curtains, blinding me slightly, but illuminating Dan's mesmerizing features. I could stare at him all day if there weren't something mysterious going on outside.

I throw the blankets to the side and get out of bed to investigate. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust, and when I can finally see properly, I don;t exactly know what I'm looking at. There are a few ambulances, a bunch of police cars, and road blocks at the end of each end of the street. Then I go out on the balcony to get a closer look. The morning air is still a little cool against my warm skin. I shiver. I look directly below me to see if there's anything about the scene that I missed, but now I wish I hadn't.

There was a dead body 40 feet directly beneath me. I gasp and back away from the edge to compose myself. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I didn't get a look at the face to see who it was, and curiosity is killing me. I look down again to see if I can see anything. Good, I don't recognize them. There is a pool of blood surrounding the victim's abdomen, and I assumed they were stabbed, as I didn't hear any gunshots during the night.

I don;t know whether I should wake Dan up or not. I look over to him just as he walks over to me. "When did you get up?" I ask him. I must have been so focused on the crime scene that I hadn't even noticed him wake up.

"I've been up for a few minutes. I even went to the bathroom. Didn't you hear me?" I shake my head. "Oh, okay. What's going on down th... Oh my god... Phil there is a dead body! What happened? Who is that? I don;t know how I feel about this! What are we going to do? We have a show to do tonight." He kept rambling on. I wasn't paying much attention to him though, I was too shaken up.

"Why don't we... why don't we just get dressed and go get breakfast like it's a normal day, okay?" He was trying to comfort me, seeing how affected I was by this. Dan put his arm around me and steered me away from the balcony. I took a long hot shower, trying desperately to get my mind off of this, but I just couldn't shake it. All that blood made me feel nauseous and I felt like I was going to vomit, even though there wasn't anything in my stomach. Dan was somewhat used to this; he grew up in the city. I, however, grew up in a very small town with a population of 10, where this stuff has never ever happened. Ever.

Phil and I got all ready and decided to skip breakfast. I couldn't handle it yet. We went to the park instead, just walking around all morning. We walked past a lot of people who looked busy, some who were just there for morning exercise, and others who just used it as a shortcut to work I guess. No one really seemed there to enjoy its beauty and serenity. Dan and I walked leisurely along the path. Everything started to feel much better.

*Dan POV*

I'm worried about Phil. Hopefully he's not too affected by what happened this morning. I mean, I'm used to this kinda stuff. I grew up in the city, and it was a good day if someone didn't get murdered or arrested. Hopefully they solve this soon so no one else has to die.

We walk through the park and I see some birds sitting on a few eggs and I start to get a weird feeling. I feel like I want to settle down and start a family. But I can't just do that. We've just started the tour and still have fifteen shows left. Plus, Phil and I haven't been together even a month. Maybe it's just something about Phil that makes me feel this way. I don't know. It just came so soon and unexpectedly, and I have never thought about even getting married. I always thought I'd be alone the rest of my life, and I was okay with that. I wasn't worried that I would never find someone. I liked the idea of having a house to myself, maybe some pets. Only just recently have I felt this way.

"Are you okay?" Phil asks me, bringing me back to reality.

"I should ask you the same thing." I respond.

"I'm okay, it was just surprising to see something like that if you're not used to it. I mean, no one should really get used to seeing dead bodies, but you're weird so you don't count." He says.

"Shut up! I'm not that weird! It's not like I like seeing dead people, I'm just desensitized to it." I explain, hoping I make some sort of sense.

"I see dead people." Phil whispers, looking me in the eye with a blank expression. I give him a look and he immediately stops.

"So, what do you want to do next?" I ask Phil. "You don't want to go back to the hotel, do you?"

"No, I'm not ready yet. They've probably cleaned it all up now, but still, I need some time away. Why don't we go to a museum?" He suggests.

"Sure. Which one? Art or History?"

"Um... let's go see some art." He declares.

"Are you sure? I might have some sort of existential crisis, causing me to lie on the floor and ponder the meaning of life, and we might get kicked out." I smirk. I get a funny mental image of that scenario going down and start to laugh quietly to myself.

"Are you just trying to persuade me into going to the history museum? Was that your plan this whole time?" Phil raises an eyebrow at me, suggesting that I was trying to coax him to go my way.

"Maybe... but you'll never know because I'm never gonna tell you." I grab his hand and run in the direction that I think the museum is in, when really, I have no fucking clue.

"Dan, where are you going?" Phil yells to me, trying to keep up with my long strides.

I stopped for a second and turned back to look at Phil. "I actually have no idea. I'm going to look that up before we get hopelessly lost." I pull up my phone to search the museum on google maps. "It's this way. Let's go!"


	10. Home Sweet Hotel

*Dan POV*

Phil and I get back from the museum just in time for sound check. The venue is only a few blocks from our hotel, so we could walk there easily. I meet the guys in the green room, who were waiting for me to get there. I was only a few minutes late, which is pretty good for me since I'm almost never on time.

I grab my guitar from the side of the stage and plug it into the amplifier. I switch my microphone on and test to see if it's on and working. I strum my guitar a few times before putting my earplugs in to make sure there's sound coming out. The other guys test their instruments, but we have to stop because Pj's mic wasn't working, which would be very bad considering he's my backup singer.

When everything was all fixed, we started our first song. We didn't get through the whole because that would've taken too long and they had to start letting people in soon. I could already see people lined up outside through a window to the side. When we finished, we all went back to the green room to hang out. I got bored, so I decided that I would go out and meet some of the fans, take some pictures, and sign a few autographs.

I opened the front door and all I heard was screaming. Our fans were mostly teenage girls, and they could get quite loud when they wanted too. The sound was almost earth shattering. I was out there for only twenty minutes and already got five marriage proposals. I noticed that the fans were all different depending where you went. We usually only tour in England, so I didn't have much to go on, but the American fans seemed so much more diverse than our British fans.

I went back inside after a while because I had to get ready for the show. I went into my dressing room and began working on the mess that everyone called Dan Howell. I picked out an outfit consisting of plain black skinny jeans (as usual), a Muse shirt, and my sneakers with the zips on the front. I brushed my hair and made sure every strand had perfect placement. I applied black eyeliner and put in my snakebites. Finally I was ready. Phil came in the room just as I was about to leave to come get me, as the show was just about to start.

A stage hand handed me my guitar, which was an all black Fender Squier. I've had only had it for a few months, but it was probably the best guitar I've ever had, and it was my favorite color. I put in my earplugs so I wouldn't go deaf and waited until Connor, Chris, and Pj were ready as well. We all looked at each other and nodded. And from that moment I knew that this would be a great show.

*Phil POV*

Chris was the first to appear on stage. He waved at the fans and sat down at his drums. Pj and Connor came out next and plugged in their instruments. They looked like they were having the time of their lives up on that stage. Everyone in the crowd was cheering. I stood int he way back and just watched, making sure nothing went wrong during their performance. Then finally Dan ran out on stage and the crowd went wild. Being the lead, he was the fan favorite.

He introduced them, as if they needed an introduction after getting a reaction like that. They were playing in a somewhat small venue, as they weren't quite popular enough to sell out an arena like Muse would, but I knew they'll get there eventually. There were at least 150 people all jam-packed into this club. The stage lights turned blue and Dan started their first song.

Everything was going swimmingly. The fans were happy, no mistakes were made by the band, and there were no technical difficulties. It was perfect. I got lost in the music, and then got lost in Dan. I was so focused on him that I didn't realize they were already playing their last song. Dan's hair flowed as he moved his head to the beat of the song. his dark eyes pierced through me when he looked in my direction. His lip rings caught the light, illuminating his face int he dark room. His tattoos were so representative of his personality and if you knew anything about Dan then you could easily tell just by looking at his arms.

The song finally ended, snapping me out of my daze. Dan waved into the crowd, but something in me knew he was waving at me, and I smiled back. I wiggled my way through the crowd to go backstage and talk to the crew about how everything went, and then to go find Dan. When I eventually did find him, he looked exhausted.

"That was a really great show babe." I beamed at him. I was so proud of him. He found something that made him happy, and when Dan was happy, so was I.

"Did you just call me babe?" Dan asked. Uh oh, I think I went too far.

"Uh, yeah... but if you don't want me to..." I was interrupted by his lips crashing into mine, shutting me up.

"No, I like it." He smiled and took my hand in his. "Let's go back to the hotel. I need food and sleep."

We made our way outside, avoiding all the fans that stuck around. I don't know what they were still doing here, it was almost midnight and there was nothing going on anymore. Just the crew cleaning up to bring all the equipment to the next venue. I don't know why we couldn't book this place for a few days instead of constantly moving around the city, but I guess they were all booked.

As soon as we get in the door of our room, Dan immediately kicks off his shoes and flops face down on the bed. I, ever so carefully, take one of the pillows and very sneakily start a pillow fight. Dan looks at me with revenge in his eyes, and I knew what I was in for. Dan took another pillow and hit me right in the face, knocking me over. Thankfully I landed somewhat on the bed.

"This is a vigilante mission!" Dan yelled, and continued to hit me with the pillow mercilessly.

"Dan! Quiet! You're gonna wake the neighbors!" I whisper-yell at him.

"Maybe you should've thought of that before you attacked me. Now this is war." He said forcefully. I've got to admit, it was kind of sexy.

"I thought you were tired. I like you better when you were sleepy and unmotivated." I pout. Dan made a fake sad face and gently placed his pillow beside me. He then kissed me passionately. I thought we were going to have a cute moment when Dan whispered in my ear, "Soz dude."


	11. Domestic

*Phil POV*

My alarm goes off at 8:30 in the morning and I reluctantly turn it off. I reach for my glasses on the bedside table so I can see as I aimlessly scroll through my social media. I hear the shower turn on and am surprised to hear that Dan was awake before me. And I even set my alarm earlier than usual because I have a meeting to get to in an hour. I hear the water hitting the floor of the shower as usual, but then I hear Dan start to sing Evanescence. I could deal with this. Dan's a good singer and I like this song. He ends the song and moves onto Do You Want To Build A Snowman? That was where I drew the line. I hated that extremely overplayed song with a burning passion.

I abruptly got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I opened the door and yelled at Dan. "Hey! Don't sing that song. I can't stand it." Dan jumped so high his feet must have lifted off the ground. He turned around and pulled the shower curtain towards him as to cover up better.

"Phil! You scared the ever-loving fluff out of me! Now get out! I don't want you to see me naked." He exclaimed.

"Why not? I asked. "Do you have a weird third nipple you're hiding from me?" I grinned slyly.

"Yes. It's on my dick. Now will you please leave?" Dan asked sarcastically.

"Fine, but I'm telling everyone you have a nipple on your dick." I tried doing an evil laugh as I left, but it wasn't very convincing. Oh well. I curled back up under the covers and went back on my phone, wiping the steam from the shower off my glasses so I could see the screen. Ten minutes and three more Frozen songs later, Dan emerged from the bathroom with warm air emerging from behind him.

"You're not to tell anyone what happened in there." He pointed behind him to try emphasizing his point. I shrugged.

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't. You'll just have to try and convince me otherwise."

"You're a little shit." He tried insulting me. "Don't you have a meeting to get to? Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

"Yeah, I was just waiting for you to get your butt out of the shower." I went to my suitcase, picked out an outfit, and walked into the bathroom, kissing Dan's cheek on the way. "You can come join me if you want." I say seductively.

"Really?" Dan asked, sounding a little too excited.

"No!" I laughed and closed the door. I locked it just to make sure Dan wouldn't try and get his revenge on me. I turned on the water and waited for it to get warm, which wouldn't take long, since Dan was just in here. I get undressed and step into the warm water when I hear a small shriek coming from the other room. "Dan? Are you okay?" I ask, slightly loud so he could hear me over the shower.

"Yeah, fine. Just a spider, I'll be okay." He sounded slightly scared, and I tried hurrying in the shower so I could see what was going on. I wrapped a towel around my waist as soon as I turned the water off and opened the door, shivering at the sudden change in temperature.

I find Dan standing on the bed, crouching slightly so he doesn't hit his head on the ceiling. He points at the floor where there's a tiny spider. I get a tissue from the box on the bedside table and squish it, throwing the tissue in the garbage. "Was that so hard?" I ask condescendingly.

"Shut up. get to your meeting already." Dan throws a pillow at me. I take my phone and keys and go out the door.

*Dan POV*

So Phil's gone now and I don't know what to do with myself. There's not a whole lot to do in a hotel room. The cable sucks, the wifi sucks, and I'm alone. Maybe I'll go hang out with my friends.

I put on my shoes, make sure I have my phone and keys, and lock the door behind me. I take the elevator up to the next floor where Chris and Pj are sharing a room. I knock on the door and wait for one of them to answer. Nothing. They're probably still asleep. I ring Pj since he's a lighter sleeper than Chris and his ringtone might wake him up. It rang four times until he eventually answered.

"Hello?" Pj whispered, his voice barely audible.

"Pj, I've been outside your door for three minutes. When are you going to let me in?" I ask him, slightly giggling.

"I've been awake for a little while Dan, I never heard anyone knock." He sounds confused.

Then it dawned on me. "What's your room number?"

"615. Why?"

"I've been knocking on 625 for the last ten minutes. Thank god no one answered. I'll be there in a minute." I hang up and sigh. Walking down the hallway to their actual room, I kick myself. Of course I and to go and do something stupid like that. But then again, I'm me.

About 10 meters ahead of me, I see a door open and Pj's head pops into view. He looks at me and laughs. I flip him off. He lets me inside to see a sleeping Chris in the bed beside Pj's. I look at Pj and he looks at me. We know exactly what we should do about this. I hold up my hand and count to three. On three, we jump on Chris and yell for him to wake up.

"What?! Get off me!" He yells.

"We thought you were a morning person Chris. What happened?" Pj asks him.

"I have a hangover." He says. His voice is muffled because he put his head under the covers.

"No you don't. We didn't go out last night." I tell him.

"Maybe you didn't, but I wasn't tired so I went to a bar and drank way too much."

"Well that was dumb wasn't it?" Pj laughs.

"Yes, now go away." Chris rolls back over and immediately falls asleep. Pj and I get off the bed and decide to go hang out in mine and Phil's room while we wait for Phil to come back from his meeting and for Chris to wake up.

We get bored and start talking about unnecessarily deep stuff. I feel pressured to tell him about me and Phil. Maybe I should wait until Phil gets back. Maybe I should wait until we're all together so I can tell everyone at once. I just say fuck it in my head and have at it.

"Pj, I have to tell you something important. I hope you don't hate me or see me any differently after I tell you."

"I'm positive I won't. Unless you tell me you're a furry." I glare at him.

"I'm not a furry. I'm... gay."

"Oh yeah, I know." He says casually and goes back to the magazine he was looking at.

"What? How did you know? Who told you?" I ask him, thoughts running through my head about who could possibly know too.

"No one. it was just kind of obvious." He gives me a sad smile. "I think Chris and Connor know too, since we do contemplate it a lot without your knowledge. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I guess. At least now I know it won't be much of a shock when I tell them."

"If you're really that nervous I can tell Chris, Connor, and Phil for you." He offers.

"Thanks, but you don't have to tell Phil, if you know what I mean..." My voice trails off at the end of the sentence.

"Oh! Okay. You know I had a feeling before, but it was definitely confirmed when I found out you two were sharing a single room. It was obvious then." We laugh and hug after we calm down. "I'm really happy for you, Dan. Now it's my turn to tell you something."

"Are you gay too?" I ask him. He laughs.

"No, but I am bisexual. And I have a problem because I have a big crush on Chris. It's killing me sharing a room with him and not knowing if he feels the same way. I don't even know if he's anything than straight."

"Wow, that does sound like a problem. I'm sure everything will work out. It'll be okay." I reassure him.

"Thanks. I'm gonna go see if he's awake yet. I'll talk to him and Connor before sound check tonight. I think they're going to be okay with it." He gives me a wink and leaves the room. I'm left by myself to think about what just happened.

I sit there thinking about what I've just done. Not really regretting it, but not sure if I'm really happy about it either.


	12. Butterflies

*Dan POV*

Phil comes back after half and hour of thinking. I don't know what the meeting was about, and frankly I don't care to ask at this moment. I have bigger things to worry about right now. Phil talks about what happened while he was gone, but I'm only half listening. I feel like absolute shit. My stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm going to puke. I can feel my heart beat in my stomach ad all the way down to my finger tips.

"So, then we talked about what our..." Phil says, but I end up cutting him off.

"I told Pj." I blurt out.

"What?" He looks shocked.

"I told Pj I was gay. And then about us. He said he was okay with it. He was going to tell the others too. I think they will be too, but I'm not sure so I'm freaking out. I feel sick."

"Dan, everything's going to be okay. You don't need to worry anymore. They're going to accept you for who you are no matter what. Okay?"

"Okay." I take a deep breath and try calming down, but my mind still wanders. What if, on the off chance that they hate me, I have to leave the band and never see them ever again? They're my best friends and this is my only job. I didn't go to university so I would have nothing to fall back on. I need to stop thinking. We have to leave for sound check in twenty minutes.

I lay down on the floor and stare at the ceiling, familiarizing myself with the patterns of the tiles. Phil leaves me alone because he knows how distraught I am, and that talking about it will only make me feel worse. I feel so alone because I really want to talk about things, I just can't. He comes to get me for sound check around 5.

I dread going. I know everything will be okay, and I keep reminding myself that, nut I just can't bring myself to believe it. As we near the next venue, I feel like I'm having a panic attack. My whole body and mind shut down. I think I keep walking anyway, but everything is a blur.

My hand rests on the door knob where I know Connor, Chris, and Pj are. Phil stands behind me and puts to hand on my shoulder, letting me know that he'll be there if I need him. I told him to wait outside while I talk to them. He said it was okay with him, he understands that this is a big deal for me and I need to go about it alone.

I hesitate before turning the handle. I step in the room and close the door behind me. Looking at my band mates, I weirdly feel some sort of relief. Their faces look sympathizing and gentle, not hostile and angry like I once thought they'd be. They stand up simultaneously, look at each other, then back at me. One by one, they come over and hug me until we're all in one big group hug. We stand there for what feels like ages, and I'm surprised none of them can hear my heart beat.

They all pull away and tell me that they accept me for who I am. We talked about how I felt about it. I wasn't sad or particularly happy that I'm gay, it's just that I've found another thing about myself that I didn't previously know. Then Chris asked how I knew I was gay. I had to tell them about Phil. Pj already knew, and I'm sure they all had suspected it, but I didn't feel exactly feel comfortable talking about it yet. But I knew that I had to do it sooner or later. I guess it would be sooner.

"Um, well... I fell in love with someone." I nervously said. My voice trembled with anticipation. It felt good to say that for once. I had not yet told Phil that I love him, but something within me knew he felt the same way.

"Who?" Connor asked. My heart dropped to my stomach. I didn't think they would ask yet, but clearly I was wrong.

"Phil." I replied, a wave of relief washing over me like a waterfall.

Phil came through the door just seconds later. He looked at me, but I couldn't read his expression. Was he happy I told them? Dide want to be there with me because this was about him as well?

"You love me?" He asks, his voice breaking. "No one's ever told me that before."

I stand up and nod. "I really do love you, Phil." I take a step towards him and place my hands on wither sides of his face. "I love you so much."

"I love you so much too, Dan." Phil says back, much to my relief. I pull him in for a kiss and everyone else in the room claps and hollers. I smile into the kiss.

*Phil POV*

I feel so relived. I've been listening through the door the whole time. In the beginning no one was talking, I don't know what was happening them but when Dan admitted that he loved me, it took me a second to process it. I wasn't expecting that at all. I'm relieved that he felt the same way though, because I was wondering when it was the right time to tell each other.

The show was starting in about ten minutes, so everyone left the room to go set up any last minute stuff except for Dan. He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. I went to kneel in front of him.

"Hey, what's the matter?" I ask him cautiously.

"Nothing." Dan picks his head up and smiles. "I think I'm the happiest I've been in a very long time. I'm so relieved that they're okay with this. I didn't know if they'd be 100% on board with it, but thank God they are. And now we're going to have the best show ever, and then I'm gonna come back and we're going to do something fun and exciting." He stood up and started to walk out of the room to the side of the stage.

"Wait!" I called after him. "What do you mean by 'fun and exciting'?" I ask. To be fair, he was very vague.

"You'll find out!" Dan yells and grabs his guitar, running out with the rest of the band.

They had a great performance. They were more communicative than they had ever been before, which made things run much more smoothly. Dan looked ecstatic up there, which, in turn, made me happy as well. They sounded really great too, which was probably the most important part. Their sound was more alive than it had in previous shows. They walked off stage about an hour later and Dan greeted me with a big kiss. The guys patted him on the back and left to go do something else. I guess I'd never know what because Dan was dragging me to do something else that remained a mystery.

We left the venue, trying to politely avoid as many fans as we could. We walked for what seemed like ages in the chilly night air, past loads of strangers who didn't pay us any attention. We walked for another few minutes before Dan made me close my eyes as we approached a building so I wouldn't be able to see the sign outside and give away the surprise. Many flights of stairs later, we emerged out onto the roof of the building where there was a helicopter. I assumed it was for us because it was the only thing up here.

"Surprise!" Dan yelled, moving his arms towards the helicopter like Vanna White.

"Are we going on a helicopter ride? How did you arrange this? Why...?" I couldn't finish my last question. I was still in awe and couldn't form full sentences. I did not expect anything of this magnitude. Admittedly, at first I thought Dan was talking about sex when he said something 'fun and exciting', but so would anyone else who was listening to our conversation without any further context.

"Yeah! I'll explain later. I thought we could look over the pretty city lights and it would be romantic." Dan made it sound really cheesy but I loved it. "Come on then, get in!"

I climbed into the helicopter, and Dan after me, and put on those weird headphones they give you. We looked at each other and I held onto Dan's hand as they started the helicopter. We strapped ourselves in and took off not too long after. It was beautiful up there. My stomach felt like ti had butterflies in it. The lights looked surreal. The Empire State Building looked so different from this high up. I looked out the side door down to the street and saw a bunch of cars in a traffic jam. 90% of the cars down there were yellow taxi cabs. The clouds above us looked bigger and bigger the closer we got to them, making them look like huge marshmallows, as if they didn't already. We landed back on the building's roof half an hour later.

"That was the most fun I've ever had." I told Dan as soon as we were somewhere where he could hear me without having to yell. I gave him a huge hug.

"I'm glad you liked it." He said into my shoulder, still embracing me. We took a cab home, as it was almost midnight and we didn't feel like walking anymore. When we got back into our room, we immediately got into our pj's and crawled under the warm and inviting covers. I laid down and looked at Dan next to me. His eyes were filled with love and in that moment, that's when I knew I had been the happiest I had ever been in my whole life.

I turned onto my side facing away from Dan to get more comfortable. He wrapped his arm around my waist and moved closer so that his chest was pressed against my back. He nuzzled his nose in the back of my neck. "I love you. Thank you for tonight." I whispered.

"I love you too. I'm glad I could make you smile." Dan whispered back. And that made me smile too.


	13. Overthinking

*Phil POV*

I wake up in the morning to find Dan not in the bed next to me. I call out his name to see if he's in the bathroom, but I get no response. I get up and move the curtains aside, momentarily blinding myself, to see if Dan is on the balcony. Nothing out there. I start panicking a little. I try calling his phone, but I hear it ringing on the bedside table. I call Pj, Chris, and Connor to see if they know where he is, but they have no idea either. And they're really no help in the mornings.

My mind goes to horrible places. Maybe Dan left me and the band and is never coming back. Maybe I drove him away. Maybe he's dead in a ditch somewhere. Maybe he got kidnapped. I get a horrible image of Dan in a warehouse somewhere crying out for someone to help him, but getting nothing but mistreated. I really need to stop watching crime dramas before bed.

I'm sure Dan is okay. I'm sure he's completely fine, and my brain just doesn't like me very much today. I think way too much. My mind wanders down horrible rabbit holes too often and it's starting to really depress me. I know there's nothing actually wrong with the people I love, but I can't help but think that maybe it's not. What if there was something wrong with Dan but he doesn't trust me enough to tell me?

I sit back down on the bed and start hyperventilating. This happens sometimes when I overthink and start to get a panic attack. My breathing quickens. My heart beat feels so much stronger than normal. I start to sweat. I can feel my heart beat all over my body. My stomach hurts. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I move to the floor and curl into a ball, hoping that I die so this feeling goes away. I try thinking of happy things, counting to ten, holding my breath so that it slows down, anything so I can start to feel better.

When I do finally calm down, I go to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face. I look in the mirror and take a deep breath. "I'm okay. Dan's okay. Everything will be fine." I say out loud to myself. I hear the door open and then close.

"Phil? Are you talking to yourself in there?" I hear Dan call.

I rush out of the bathroom and start to feel rage flow through me. "Where were you?" I ask urgently.

"I went to the shop to get something for breakfast. I got you some pancakes. I know they're your favorite." he places the bag on the table and starts to take out take-away boxes, discarding the bag in the recycling bin.

"You didn't tell me where you were going and you didn't take your phone with you and I thought you were dead or kidnapped or something worse..." I spit out angrily. My voice trails away in the end because I start thinking about the 'worse' part of my last sentence.

Dan puts both of his hands on my shoulders. "Hey, it's okay. I'm fine. I'm still alive, and I'm here now. Everything's okay." He pulls me into a hug and I hesitantly wrap my arms around him in return. I stand there, not letting him go for a solid minute.

"You know, you really worried me." I said monotonously.

"I can tell." He gives me a sad smile. "Why don't we have some breakfast now, okay?"

"Okay." I sit down and take my first bite of pancakes. They're so delicious. I wish I could eat them forever. "Okay, I forgive you."

*Dan POV*

*A few days later*

"Thank you for a great show New York! Goodnight!" I call out to the crowd. They cheer as we leave the stage. That was our last show in New York. I'll miss living in the comfy hotel room that I'm trading for a bunk on our bus later. Ugh.

We get back to the hotel around 11:30 and quickly get our luggage that we packed before we left for the show. Phil looks exhausted. As for me, I have way too much energy for someone who has been awake since 8 in the morning and just played a show. I feel jittery and like I want to run a marathon. I won't actually do that of course, but I think I could if I wanted to. Phil looks like he's about to fall asleep standing up, so I offer to take an extra bag of his down for him. He thanks me and I kiss him on the cheek.

"Where are we going next? I forget." I ask him, hoping he's awake enough to remember these things.

"Um... Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania." He says quietly. Phil struggles to drag his suitcase behind him, but then eventually remembers it has wheels. I laugh under my breath, but I guess he heard me and gives me the death stare. We get on the elevator to see Chris, Pj, Connor, and some old couple already inside. I wonder what they're doing up this late. Old people usually go to bed really early. The doors close behind us and the woman decides to speak up.

"What are you boys doing checking out so late?" She says, her voice high pitched and shaky.

"We're in a band and have to leave soon if we want to make it in time for our next show in Pennsylvania." Chris tells her.

"Oh, that sounds exciting! What kind of music do you play?" She smiles. Her eyes light up that we're talking to her, presumably because her grandkids don't visit anymore.

"Rock music. I don't think you would like it much, though." Connor speaks up.

She looks at our piercings and tattoos, then back at our faces. "Maybe not." She laughs. The elevator doors open and she steps out. "It was nice meeting you boys. Good luck at your next show!" she calls to us before the doors close." We say goodbye back.

"She was cute." Connor says. We arrive at the lobby not long after. Another couple got on the elevator on the floor below the old woman's and got off two floors later, but we didn't pay them much attention. All the floors in the hotel looked exactly the same, from what we could see.

I take Phil's bags out back to the bus for him while he checks us out. He comes back a few minutes later, gets on the bus and slumps down in the seat at the table. He puts his head on his folded arms and doesn't move. His breathing slows and I could tell he was asleep. I unpacked his bags for him, along with mine, and set up his bed with blankets and pillows to make it more comfortable. I wake him up a few minutes later to move him to his bunk so he is more comfortable. He lays down without even taking his shoes off. I do it for him and cover him with the blanket.

"Love you." he whispers, his eyes still closed. I kiss his forehead and say goodnight as well. Then I get my laptop from one of my bags and sit at the table with it, desperately hoping that the wifi works. It does, sort of. I check my email, social media, and then it's almost one on the morning, but I'm still wide awake.

Silence. That's what I need to concentrate on my writing. The drone of the bus engine, the wind of traffic rushing by, the faint snoring of my band mates, our driver quietly humming along with his radio. It's somewhat quiet, not really bothersome, but not enough. I think sleeping might help my writer's block.

I try falling asleep, but my mind as hyperactive as I am. I'm overthinking again. I do this way too much, more than any other normal person would. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe not. We'll never know for sure, I guess.


	14. Finding An Escape

*Dan POV*

I've not been having good nights lately. I know Phil is always right besides me, but still I can't help feeling alone and secluded by my own thoughts. My brain keeps feeding me these awful thoughts about how I amount to nothing, no one loves me, I'm worthless, etc. I want these to stop, I'm desperate for them to, but I just don't know how to end them. I mean, obviously there are ways, but let's not get into that now. I don't think I've been driven to that point just yet.

I look over at Phil next to me, sleeping soundly, probably thinking about happy things like unicorns and rainbows. And here I am, trying to decide if I'm suicidal or not. Ah, how diverse the human mind can be. It's kind of terrible, really. Someone who used to be a very happy person can have this total flip in the chemicals in their brain, and now they're so depressed they need therapy or something like that because their brain has turned against them.

I toss and turn in uncomfortable motel bed for a few more minutes, then decide to go out adventuring. Maybe some alone time will do me good, clear my mind so I can sleep. I'll probably be a walking zombie tomorrow, but at least I'll be happy, and I think that's a small price to pay.

I slide out of the bed as not to jostle Phil and slip on my shoes, quietly closing my motel room door behind me.

The air outside is slightly chilly, sending goose bumps all over my body. I don't think I'll be out long, so I don;t go back inside to get a jacket. The empty parking lot, except for a few cars, is eerily silent. There's no movement, everything is as still as a glass of water that hasn't been touched in a while. There is the faint sound of car engines coming from the highway less than a mile away. The crappy lights outside each motel room door flickers every so often, and gently illuminates the space. The moon is behind some clouds, so the rest of the world is lit by signs for restaurants, gas stations, etc. I can hear the silent buzz coming from the lights. The faint sound of crickets is present as well, but it sounds like they're miles away. I feel like I am miles away from any sign of humanity. I am totally and utterly alone.

I see our tour bus at the back of the parking lot and head towards it. I'm kind of scared of the dark, so being out at night isn't exactly that relaxing, but anything was better than laying in bed. The doors to the bus are locked. I check my phone to see what time it is: 4:00 a.m. No one will be awake for a few hours. I have all the time in the world to myself. I could literally do anything, but opt for sitting on the cold, hard ground in front of the bus doors and just think. Think about my past, think about my present, think about my future. Think about Phil, my family and friends.

I curl my knees up to my chest and stare at the door to our room directly across from me. Wrapping my arms around my legs to retain any warmth, I lower my head and let out a long, satisfying breath. I ponder over everything that's going on in my life, and realize that there's nothing for me to be sad about. I have a great life. I have a steady job, amazing friends, and a loving boyfriend. My parents were mostly supportive and gave me a pretty good childhood. So why am I sad all the time.

The only thing that has kept me happy consistently has been music. Whether I'm listening to other people's art or making my own, I'm in my element when I'm around music. The melodies, the beat of the drums, the lyrics all overcome me and help me through and happy or tough time I'm having. It can completely change my mood. Singing lets me get out any anger I have, I can let out all my emotions through a song without anyone knowing. They all just think I'm dedicated to the performance. Playing guitar calms me down. The complexity of many of our songs focuses my mind on something worth focusing on. Maybe music is some kind of therapy for me.

I finally feel good again and go back inside. Oh god, I've been out here for two hours. Phil will be awake soon doing pre-gig manager things, but I'm still too awake to go back to sleep. I sit up in bed, turning on the TV and keep the volume to almost silent, but just loud enough so I can sort of make out what people are saying.

*Phil POV*

I wake up around 7 in the morning to the bright sun shining in my eyes and the distant sound of the TV.

"Dan?" My raspy voice asks him. I look over to see him sat up, but kinda slumped over with his head resting on his shoulder, and his eyes closed. He must've turned the TV on during the night and fell asleep. I look around for the remote and turn it off. He doesn't stir, so he must've stayed up really late last night. I gently lay him down on the bed, place a pillow under his head, and slide out of bed. Pulling the blanket over him, I hear a weird noise outside. I draw back the curtain covering the dingy window and look out. Nothing. I open the door and scan the parking lot. Nothing. Huh, maybe I'm just hearing things.

I don't know why I woke up so early, maybe it's telling me I need to get stuff done today, but I really don't feel like doing anything. I'd rather stay inside and cuddle with Dan while we watch a movie on pay-per-view or something, but I know that that won't be a possibility today. Being that today is their first show in Pennsylvania, we have to make sure everything goes smoothly. The sound has to sound flawless, the lights need to be on and bright, etc. But it'll be worth it if I can make Dan happy. He loves being onstage. It's like his drug, or something. He lives for the adrenaline of performing in front of people, something we don't have in common. I like being back stage.

I think too much. Maybe stepping outside and getting some fresh air, or as fresh as I can get in the middle of a city, would do me some good. I throw on some clothes and step outside in the morning sunshine. I feel free. For the first time in a while, I feel like nothing can bring me down. I feel numb, but in a good way this time.


	15. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is short and it sucks, I just really wanted to put an end to the story and didn't have an good ideas.

*Phil POV*

It's been a few months since I last checked in. Things have been good between me and Dan. He came out to his parents about a month after our last show. They were a lot more supportive than he thought they would be, which is good. Our one year anniversary is coming up soon, and I need to think of something special to do for Dan.

Anyway, some other news, Pj and Chris are together now. It turns out that was the weird noise I was hearing. They were... um, you get it. They told us about a week after that incident. None of us were surprised really. Connor seems to be the odd man out here, but we'll find him a nice guy eventually.

I guess that's it. Bye guys.

*Dan POV*

Phil has really helped me get better over the past few months. I don't overthink as much, and I'm a lot happier than I've been in a long time.

We finished the tour two months ago on a high note. We're going back and doing more shows in a little bit. I have a really big surprise for Phil during one of the shows. I think I'm gonna ask him to marry me. I know we've only been together for a year, but I don't think I need that much more time to know I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Well, I have to go make some more tour plans. See ya later.


End file.
